This has been circulating over here, and I found it delightful after having been a Department of Homeland Security employee before retiring. Shared for chuckles: ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE From JOHN CLEESE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. Regards, John Cleese , British writer, actor and tall person And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC. Life is too short...
Excellent, Pip Pip and all that. And from us here in Aussie, "She'll be Right Mate, Don't you worry about that"
John Cleese has always been excellent, So from me here in Aus, "Don't you worry about that, She'll be right Mate".
Cleese's comments are more accurate than any book learning might give. Love the Spanish Navy one! 430BC or 4000BC - little changes, save ways of obliterating one another. PS: What did he say about Americans? Let me guess: The Americans grew arms. When asked where to discharge them: "Any damn place - just FIRE!"
Mr. Cleese doesn't talk about the Americans; I think we're beneath him. I'm surprised that he overlooked our polite neighbors (and fellow members of the Commonwealth) to the north: Canada.
maybe John cleese doesn't comment about americans after being married to one,,,,,, Fiat made tanks for the italian army ,spec was one forward gear and four in reverse...
I'll have to take that back, although it was based on the first post in the thread which I took at face value - the actual author is unknown. John Cleese is alleged to have written it but there doesn't seem to be any proof either way...
Thanks, whom ever it was, loaded this topic; yar Cleesy's still doing the old favorites. Nowt wrong there, then; a few paragraphs; observably well written, will always beat a long book, hands down. Very difficult; stifling knee jerk laughter, these days (Thought Bobby's sauntering abouts)(I'm glad I didn't have too), HOwl.. . . .. Cheers, Jon.
