I received this joke via e-mail today and i enjoyed it, Jeff. MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.' ******************************* MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. ******************************* FEMALE PROCEDURE: (What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!) 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Re-dial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake. SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO THE LADIES who can handle it.... A lady sent it to me. She was laughing, too.
HeHe Jeff. Here is a danish/english: A newly married couple in the age 30 and 32 from Western Jutland, Danmark, came to a hotel and was asked by the hotelmanager how old they were. The danish man said "My wife is dirty and I am dírty too" Claus C
After Martin K's suggestion in the music-topic: http://0flo.com/index.php?posts/42796 Where he made me listen to Alan Hawkshaw it lead me to Dave Allen who's show all danes saw in the 70's and I knocked over this one. I find it hillarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK2a8sglkDU Dave Allens show started with the music by Alen Hawkshaw - very nice btw Martin - good to hear Again. Claus C
I almost put this under cartalk, but was afraid it would be taken serious https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXW0bx_Ooq4 Claus C
....???...You mean you haven't got one?.. ..I've got 2 of these, but mine are 'Retro' Turbo-encabulators....
Years ago when I went to the doctor with my pregnant wife the nurse said something funny but true in connection with how difficult pregnancy is. She said " if men were the ones who could become pregnant the world would not have children". I laughed and agreed.
Good grief Claus, that "I am dirty and my wife is dirty" was told me in my infant school circa 1955 by our teacher no less, a Mr. Williams, a short rotund man who wore a brown three pice suit and sported a goatee beard. Strange the things that stick in your mind. Thanks for the memory!
He sounds like he today could get confused with a hipster. Here is a beard-joke just for you Derek A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room." Claus C
...Oh Claus!...Really!....I was just about to eat my dinner...... :-(........ Now I have this horrible image in my mind I can't touch it?.. .... ...that short man in the Brown suit Urrgh..
